The Chronicles of
Milan the Mighty


It all happened on that fateful day in the coldest of nights when I had entered this earth. Rainclouds billowed over the city, and soon the harshest of storms was let loose upon the area of my birth. The wind that night howled and cried with the force of a thousand malevolent gales, cutting down to the bone of any unsuspecting citizens foolish enough to wander the streets. Some people say when I was conceived a lightening bolt came from the heavens and struck my new-born body...and didn’t leave a scratch. Others say that I didn’t even wait for my mother to go into labour, I had simply punched my way out of her stomach and preformed amazing life-saving surgery before falling asleep for my mid-afternoon nap. The truth is, we may never know what truly happened on that fateful day in the coldest of nights, but what we can be sure of was it was a day that truly changed the world for the better…or for the worse.

Growing up as a child, I didn’t have much, yet I was always as happy as could be. My Father had died shortly after my birth after he tried giving CPR to a seal that had choked on a rock it thought was a fish. Unfortunately, soon after my Father had gotten the rock out, the seal realized he was still hungry and decided to engulf my Father. I didn’t know my Father well enough to hold a grudge against the seal, but never will I forgive that rock that took the life of the only father-figure I ever had.

My Mother had soon after my birth become addicted to crack-cocaine and became extremely unstable and depressed, and as a result starting neglecting my needs and became an object of hate for me. As a young boy of 3 with no father and a crack-addicted mother, I realized that I was my only sole provider, the only one who could, and would even bother to sustain and maintain my mind, body, and soul. Not that I regret any of it though, I find it helped build my character into what it is today. I couldn’t possibly afford any groceries from the local store, so I turned to the only alternate natural way to gather food. I would sit in waiting in the trees of the nearby forest for any unsuspecting animals to stumble their insignificant unworthy selves under my chosen tree, where I would then swoop down the with fierceness of a lion and rip the animal apart limb by limb with my bare-hands (weapons were for the underminded and weak).

I soon couldn’t stand living with my offset mother any longer, and decided one night to run away and to never return to that place of hell, drugs, and venal prostitution. I had once again returned to the forest, deciding it was fitting to live in the place that had taken better care of me than my own parents. I soon found an ideal spot for a tiny comfortable home, carefully hidden and secluded from the rest of the civilized world. The only remaining question was “what could I harvest wood with?” It certainly couldn’t have been my hands, for such a task would be absurd even for one with as much greatness as I. The answer came to me one day while I was enjoying a fresh doe I had recently captured and cooked. Teeth! Teeth were the answer! I soon got to work gnawing and chewing at the nearby trees until I had assembled a satisfactory pile of building wood, which succeeded in building a comfortable 5 bedroom house fitted with a Jacuzzi and 4 bathrooms. It was small, but I figured I had to work with what nature handed me.

One day when I was 9 I was going to the nearby river for some much needed nourishment when a hunter spotted me, and, alarmed at the sight of a little boy all alone in the depths of the woods, took me with him back to the city against my cries of protest and my punches and kicks. I had been placed in a foster home and enrolled in the nearby school, where I had learned to interact with people, and where I learned about love, life, passion, the world, values, beauty…and math. I learned everyone was born equal, that everyone should be treated as one would feel best treated as. That although there are a lot more negatives in the world than positives…it’s worth going through all those negatives just for a small piece of positive beauty. I learned never to hold any ill-will towards my brothers and sisters, to need the ones you love and to love the ones you need. To spread joy and happiness everywhere I went, to promote peace and harmony throughout the world, and to spread out my wings to all strangers and lend a helping hand to all those who need help. I’ve learned to be a better person…to love others, to love myself, and most importantly…to love life.

Just kidding.