
It is your rules that make unlawful beings. You would get along better if you would just trust each other to treat each other appropriately, but you don't. So you keep making laws -- until you make criminals of everyone.


New York is the City of Vanities. There is nothing more embarrassing than leaving the house in a hurry, without realizing that your pant leg is stuck in a sock, or that a lump of shaving cream sits on your earlobe. Thankfully, Manhattan provides a plethora of shiny surfaces — from polished marble walls to spotless chrome door frames — that offer you ample opportunities to spot-check your appearance.
I am especially grateful to the tinted windows of 101 Park Avenue, which once alerted me to a collar/tie mishap just minutes before an important meeting. Ultimately, though, the mirrored exterior of 546 Fifth Avenue (at the corner of 46th) is second to none for anybody in Midtown in need of an auto-once-over.

It is always great to visit the Museum of Modern Art, but I have pretty strong likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to paintings from the 19th and 20th centuries. And I have a hard time enjoying a beloved painting while being irritated by another, less beloved piece of art. If you happen to share my preferences, I suggest the following:
In Room 1 on the fifth floor, stand exactly in between Gauguin’s “Seed of the Areoi” (1) and Braque’s “Landscape at La Ciotat” (2). Turn east, facing Room 5, and you will be able to enjoy two wonderful Klimts (“Hope II” and “The Park”) (3) without being annoyed by the pointless Kandinskys (4), to the left, and Chagall’s disturbing cow (5), to the right.
My favorite breakfast spot in New York is a little coffee shop on Eighth Avenue between 13th and 14th Streets. It has a lemon poppy muffin that is absolutely divine when fresh — and tastes like drywall when not. The easiest way to test for freshness, of course, is to poke the crust, which would be wrong. Fortunately, you can ethically conduct the freshness test by poking the paper muffin cup at one specific point, at about two-thirds of the height of the base. Lower or higher poking doesn’t yield reliable results.

Every parent knows that the surest way to get children to fall asleep is to roll them around in strollers on bumpy sidewalks. Since I spent a good chunk of the last several years rolling infants through New York, I have the following recommendations:
When our first son was born, we were living in Chelsea. Here you mostly find the standard 4-by-4-foot concrete squares that result in roughly one bump per second. A perfectly fine starter surface for the new father.
With our second child, we graduated to the cobblestone streets of Dumbo, which have the bonus of being broken up by an occasional rail. Pushing a stroller here is physically challenging, but your little darling will be snoring within seconds.
With our third son, I discovered the Champs-Élysées for putting kids to sleep: the west sidewalk along Columbia Heights, in Brooklyn. Tree roots have rearranged the old granite slabs into a bizarre topography. Navigating a stroller through the jumps and jolts is not for the faint of heart, but to my amazement I have never seen a baby fall asleep as peacefully.

One of the most frustrating things in New York is that everything is always much more expensive than (a) you think and (b) what the price tag says. One way to come up with a reliable budget is to use the following Price-vs.-What-You-Actually-End-Up-Paying-Ratios.
Digital camera: Add 30 percent. (Because the particular model you picked is out of stock, and the one that’s left is more expensive. Plus sales tax.)
Burger and beer: Add 60 percent. (Tax and tip for you and for that friend from Europe who left early and “didn’t know” that you have to pay tax and tip.)
Phone plans: Add 130 percent. (To cover F.C.C., U.S.F., T.R.S., A.B.C., C.I.A. and LOL.)

Whenever I rode the subway with my two older boys, I tried to hold on to their hands at all times. In the process, I developed a special move. I think anyone who saw it must have been impressed.I would hold the boys’ hands as we briskly made our way out of the station, then, just as we reached the turnstiles, I would let go. We would pass through the turnstiles simultaneously, and so smoothly that the boys’ hands would still be up in the air when we got to the other side, where I would grab their little fingers again in one fluid motion. (Requires practice.)

In the morning, I used to take the 2 or 3 train from Clark Street to get to my studio in Manhattan’s meatpacking district. Here’s some advice, if you happen to make that commute, too: When you get off the elevator at the Clark Street station, go down the stairs to the left. On the platform, make a sharp left; this will position you directly behind a column (A). It’s pretty close to the tracks, so there will be very few people around, thereby improving your chances of getting on, even at rush hour. If you happen to bring a newspaper, use one door further up (B).
When you arrive the at 14th Street station and step off, you’ll be near the 13th Street exit, and the door will open right in front of the stairs (C). If you chose the newspaper option mentioned above, the door will open in front of a convenient trash can, where you can discard your paper (D) before leaving the subway system.


Shopping at the crowded Fairway supermarket in Red Hook with an impatient toddler in your cart is not easy. (The first section — fruits and vegetables — is especially treacherous as quick, little hands can threaten the large pyramid of Fuji apples.)
The solution: try to make it to the olive-oil-tasting station (opposite the cheese counter) and stock up on sliced baguette. This will keep the young shoppers happy, at least for a while. The only downside: going against the stream in the narrow soup aisle on your way back to the produce.


Musician Josh Pyke films the video for his new song 'Make You Happy' in a special boat created to the exact specifications of the Maton acoustic guitar that he performs with, at Rozelle Bay on October 9, 2008 in Sydney, Australia. The track will be the second single released from Pyke's second album 'Chimney's Afire' which was released on Saturday. (Photo by Sergio Dionisio/Getty Images)

Freshen up that killer drink with a round from the Bullet Ice Tray! Pour some water into the AK Ice Tray, freeze then enjoy your beverage with a few ice cold Bullets from an AK-47 Gun. Maybe you got an 'acquaintance' coming around for a drink, put a few AK ice bullet rounds in and maybe then he will take you serious!
When i was a kid i used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then i realized God doesn't work that way, so i stole one and prayed for forgiveness. -Emo Phillips | |||



If ghosts exsist, they must be amazed at how much time we worry about
becoming ghosts.
“You Have To Do Stuff That Average People Don't Understand
Because Those Are The Only Good Things
-Andy Warhol